FamilyCosm

One of the most common questions in relationship advice that ladies have is “How do I tell where my relationship is going? How do I know if he feels the same things I do and wants the same things?” It’s a horrible place to be in – that limbo between a real relationship and just “dating”, isn’t it? Well, let’s talk about what to do to get you OUT of that limbo and into a solid and mature relationship.

In a relationship, new or old, the best position to be in is one where your guy is clearly ATTRACTED to you – where he wants to be with you, spend time with you and really participate in the relationship. I know, you are thinking, “Tell me something I don’t know!”

But do you know how to tell the difference between physical attraction and a natural and lasting attraction? Many ladies mistake the physical attraction a guy feels for them as a signal that a guy wants to really be in a relationship. That’s a dangerous mistake to make, but all too common.

Here’s the thing – for men – he can share attraction with you, be intimate and caring and really seeming like he is connecting with you, but unless he feels that attraction on a DEEPER LEVEL than physically, it will fade away, and you are left in that horrible limbo.

So what can a girl DO to create that kind of attraction on a intimate level? First, you have to get your guy out of his man-bred logical thinking. You have to reach him in a place inside him that goes way beyond that – which may be something he has never experienced before you. YOU may have never experienced it either – if you have never had a good, lasting relationship, I’m betting you never have.

Most ladies who are unsure of their relationship status and don’t know where things are will be asking themselves several different questions. 1) Why isn’t he interested in talking and/or moving our relationship forward? 2) Why is he afraid of a commitment? 3) Why didn’t he call me/come over/text me…?

What do all these questions have in common? Two things. First – they are all NEGATIVE and second, they are all about HIM. This does two things – it attracts your own negativity, which gets projected then into the world around you (and into your guy!) AND it relieves YOU of the need to take responsibility for your part in the relationship/commitment issue.

I’m betting you were thinking what I was going to tell you what to change in HIM, right? Wrong. Everything YOU do as a person, every relationship you are in, every situation you encounter has ONE thing in common – YOU. YOU can only change YOU. YOU can only take responsibility for YOUR actions. YOU can only show others your example and encourage them by your own actions. Do you see what I am saying?

So what kind of questions do you need to ask yourself? How about these…What does it take for my guy to want to commit? What would he want from the relationship? What can I do to help him move forward in this relationship?

This way, you are considering his needs, and without ASKING him the answers to these questions, try putting yourself in his shoes. Has he had bad experiences? Perhaps a jealous or untrusting past girlfriend? A bad relationship with his mom or dad? Does he have all single friends? Does he want a family?

But finally – WHAT IMPACT do these things have on him? Maybe having a psycho ex-girlfriend has made him REALLY gun-shy of an untrusting partner. Do you do what you can to HELP that, or not? Do you SHOW him (not tell him) that you trust him? Or do you forget about that and fall into attention seeking patterns when you think he might be out with the guys or even eyeballing a waitress at the local Hooters?

Do you see what I am saying? If you get yourself into a pattern of trying to understand him and HIS needs in a relationship, I guarantee you that you are going to come out on top in this. Show a guy this kind of CONNECTION, and that attraction he has for you will deepen into the natural and lasting attraction needed for starting and maintaining a serious relationship. He will start showing YOU the same kind of kindness, respect and understanding that you show him if you lead him by YOUR example.

In other words – my mother always says - you TEACH people how to treat you.

And my mom is right. (Yes, I am sending her this article so she will have that in print!)

If you want to learn more about true attraction and how to spark it then maintain it, please see Christian Carter’s program natural and lasting attraction. It is FULL of fabulous relationship advice and invaluable to ladies who want to know how to keep their current relationship from failing.